Saturday, August 29, 2009

Waiting

I suppose you could say the weekend is halfway over. Friday is done and Saturday is halfway over. I just have to get thru the rest of the day and tomorrow. I'm trying to stay as busy as possible. But I have to wonder, what am I suppose to be doing? When your told your probably going to miscarry any moment on any day, what are you suppose to be doing? These could be the final days and am I doing things right? Is there something I will regret not doing later?

I just try to think of her in a positive light. I don't think of her as sick, I think of her as my perfect little girl ! She was such a busy bee in my belly! She liked to lay on her stomach and bring her knees up to her chest. She had the cutest little butt!

I know I'm torturing myself but I think of her has how she will be when born and she will be so small and tender. She will have a frial little cry and will sleep so peacefully in my arms. I can image what she will smell like, and can image smoothing down her little baby hair.

I've stopped looking on the internet and going over "what if's?" or different outcomes. I'm at ease with just letting natural take it's course. What will happen is already set. The test is already in progress and the results were decided 4 1/2 months ago. I just didn't know.

Until then all I can do is talk to her and make sure she feels loved. I have a 3D picture of her now and it's framed. Everytime I walk by it I think, "hey baby Hope, I hope your doing okay in there"!

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