Saturday, September 19, 2009


Just when I think the days should be getting better. I came home last night without my baby. She was not in my belly and was not in my arms. I really didn't want to leave the hospital with out her. Then I came home to an empty house. My husband had come home on leave but left while I was away. He left his clothes on the bed, as if he would be coming home soon to put them back on. I don't want to move them because that means he really won't be coming home anytime soon, one whole year. So half my family is missing. I picked up Kaycie this morning and right now she really is my only reason for living. For getting out of bed and going about my day. My precious Kaycie is all I have right now.

I wonder when this terrible feeling is going to go away. It's just a feeling of complete emptiness. I know I'm not pregnant anymore but I don't have a baby to hold either.


  1. My heart is breaking for you. I pray that the days get more bearable as the days go by. You and your family are always on my mind.

  2. reading your post just makes my heart ache for you. i first read what was going on on ivillage in the club. i just cannot imagine your pain. i wish no one had to go through this. just hold in your heart that you have a beautiful child now who needs you.

  3. I'm so sorry Jamie. If you need someone to talk to I can certainly relate. I lost my daughter over 5 years ago and the emptiness never really goes away, you just find a way to deal with it. Continuing to send lots of P&PTs your way.. feel free to email me if you want to talk - All my love, Dina