Thursday, October 8, 2009

When to have another...

When I first lost Hope, I thought that I would never want to try again or have another baby. And now not even a month later I am constantly thinking about trying again. I am almost glad my husband is deployed because I would probably be in serious turmoil everyday wondering if we should try. At least with him not here I can't make a crazy decision. He will not be home until late January when he gets his leave. So now I ask myself everyday if we will try when he is home. I know that my baby Hope is gone and getting pregnant again will not bring her back. I am worried that I am trying to fill that void but at the same time I so wanted another baby to love and to hold. If we don't try in January we won't be able to again until August maybe even September 2010, which means I won't even have the baby till 2011! That seems so far away to me. I don't think I want to wait that long. Gosh I don' t know what to do. I know I have 3 months to make the decision but I just wish I knew. I don't even know if I will be able to handle being pregnant again, I will be an emotional wreck until the baby is actually born and in my arms.

2 comments:

  1. I don't think you'd be trying to replac Hope at all. Hope will always be your second child but that doesn't change the fact that you'd still like another baby to raise with Kaycie. I actually thought about how long you'd have to wait to try again since your husband's deployed (I have to much time on my hands sometimes). I'd just go with it in January, it may not even happen if you try so I would just let nature take its' course. Best wishes.

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  2. Thanks, I have no doubt it will happen in January if we want. LOL. Not to brag but both times we tried for both children, it only took one try. We are lucky in that respect.

    I suppose if I am thinking about it everyday, it is something I really want.

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